How To Eat Like A Gundam Pilot
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: The second installment in the How To Be A Gundam Pilot arc. Here, we investigate the staple foods of the Gundam Pilots and their methods of preparing. Please be aware on any allergies before consuming.


**Tori: **Ever wanted to try Heero's Coffee Pot Ramen or Duo's Fucking Cookies That Don't Fucking Look Like Fucking Cookies? Well now's your chance! Please enjoy these real recipes straight from Hell's Kitchen!

**How To Eat Like A Gundam Pilot**

****WARNING** Ichimura-tachi will not be held responsible for any injuries, ailments, or property damage sustained while preparing or eating any of these foods. Please exercise caution when using fire or utensils and if your are under thirteen or are in any way related to Duo Maxwell, consult an adult before using the stove.**

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**Coffee Pot Ramen by Heero**

**YOU NEED: **(1) coffee maker, (1) pack of instant ramen, water

**STEP 1:** Fill coffee pot up to the 6 line with water

**STEP 2: **Pour water into the back of the coffee maker and put empty pot under the spout

**STEP 3:** Turn on coffee maker

**STEP 4: **Wait until there is enough water in coffee pot and remove pot from coffee maker

**STEP 5: **Add ramen and mix well

**Cookies by Duo**

**YOU NEED: **Any pre-made cookie dough product

**STEP 1: **Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees

**STEP 2: **Place cookie dough on baking sheet in generous portions

**STEP 3: **Eat the rest of the cookie dough

**STEP 4: **Place cookie sheet in oven

**STEP 5: **Forget your making cookies

**STEP 6: **Wait until you smell burning, then yell "SHIT! I gotta go!"

**STEP 7: **Remove cookie sheet from oven

**STEP 8: **Wait until blackened lumps cool, then dispose of them in the trash

**Fish And Chips by Wu Fei**

**YOU NEED: **(1) can of tuna, (2) tablespoons of mayonnaise, (1) bag of Tostitos plain corn chips

**STEP 1: **Open can of tuna in a medium-sized bowl

**STEP 2: **Mix in (2) tablespoons of mayonnaise

**STEP 3: **Dip Tostitos in tuna and enjoy

**Frosty and Fries by Quatre**

**YOU NEED: **(1) chocolate frosty from Wendy's, (1) large French fries

**STEP 1: **Take lid off frosty

**STEP 2: **Dip French fry in frosty, coating each generously

**STEP 3: **Eat immediately

**Macaroni and Cheese by Avery (And Lance)**

**YOU NEED: **(1) box of Easy Mac, (1) bottle of Ketchup

**STEP 1: **Follow directions on Easy Mac box to cook noodles

**STEP 2: **Add cheese and stir until desired consistency is reached

**STEP 3: **Add ketchup

**Penne Pasta by Duo**

**YOU NEED: **(1) box of pasta, (1) water source, (1) pot, (1) jar of vodka sauce, (1) container of Parmesan cheese

**STEP 1: **Make the pasta

**STEP 2: **Drain the water

**STEP 3: **Add the vodka sauce

**STEP 4: **Be generous with the Parmesan

**STEP 5: **Serve with Italian bread

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**Polenta by Duo**

**YOU NEED: **(4) cups of milks, lemon rinds, (1/4) cup of sugar, (3) beaten eggs, (2) eggs (3/4) cup of Cream of Farina, bread crumbs

**STEP 1:** Cook milk, sugar, farina, and lemon rinds in pot on stove until thick and bubbly, stirring constantly

**STEP 2:** Gradually stir in (3) beaten eggs

**STEP 3:** Pour into oiled baking dish until it is about 2cm thick

**STEP 4:** Chill overnight

**STEP 5:** Cut into diamond shapes

**STEP 6:** Coat with (2) eggs and bread crumbs

**STEP 7:** Fry in vegetable oil until golden brown

**STEP 8: **Let cool slightly

**Pure by Trowa**

**YOU NEED: **(1) cheap bottle of vodka, (1) Brita™ filter

**STEP 1: **Pour vodka in Brita™ filter

**STEP 2: **Enjoy your vodka Pure! ^__~

**Tofu Stir Fry by Wu Fei**

**YOU NEED: **(1/2) block of tofu, (1) red pepper, (1) green pepper, (1) onion, (1/4) cup of vegetable oil, (1) tablespoon of soy sauce

**STEP 1: **Cut tofu into 1cm cubes or strips (which ever you prefer)

**STEP 2: **Cut peppers into short strips and mince onions

**STEP 3: **Heat oil in a frying pan

**STEP 4: **Add vegetables to oil and fry until a bit soft, stirring occasionally

**STEP 5: **Add tofu and soy sauce

**STEP 6:** Stir until tofu is brown and a littler firmer

**STEP 7: **Serve with more soy sauce either with white rice or Italian bread

**Tofu Chips by Quatre**

**YOU NEED: **(1) bag of Herrs potato chips with ridges, (1) block of tofu

**STEP 1: **Cut tofu into flat rectangles

**STEP 2: **Sandwich each strip between two potato chips

**STEP 3: **Eat

**Tortufo by Duo**

**YOU NEED: **(1) container of chocolate ice cream, (1) container of vanilla ice cream, (1) jar of Maraschino cherries, (3) bottles of chocolate shell [the stuff that hardens when cold], high tolerance for cold

**STEP 1: **Wash your goddamn freakin' hands!

**STEP 2: **Place a Marischino cherry on a paper plate

**STEP 3: **Scoop a handful of one ice cream flavor and pack it around the cherry into a sphere

**STEP 4: **Run your hands under warm water and pat dry (Trust me, your hands get cold before the ice cream is packed)

**STEP 5: **Scoop two handfuls of the other flavor of ice cream and pack it around the sphere

**STEP 6: **Quickly cement this structure with generous amounts of chocolate shell

**STEP 7: **Keep frozen until you're ready to serve

**STEP 8: **Serve plain or sprinkled with almonds

**Ultimate Chinese by Heero**

**YOU NEED: **Chinese take-out

**STEP 1: **Purchase your Chinese take-out

**STEP 2: **Leave in refrigerator overnight

**STEP 3: **Re-heat meal in microwave and enjoy

**Vanilla Icing by Duet**

**YOU NEED: **(1) cup of milk, (2) level tablespoons of white flour, (2) sticks of butter, (1) cup of sugar, (1) teaspoon of vanilla

**STEP 1:** Pour (1) cup of milk into small pot on stove and turn flame on LOW

**STEP 2:** Sift (2) level tablespoons of flour into milk while stirring gently

**STEP 3:** Stir gently until mixture comes to a boil**

**STEP 4: **Let mixture cool and thicken

**STEP 5:** Warm (2) sticks of butter until soft

**STEP 6:** Put warmed butter and (1) cup of sugar into mixing bowl and mix

**STEP 7:** Add the cooled milk and flour mixture to the mixing bowl while it mixes

**STEP 8:** Add (1) teaspoon of vanilla

**STEP 9:** Mix all together until it is fluffy and the sugar has dissolved

**For chocolate icing, just add (2) tablespoons of cocoa powder at this point

**Waffles and Ice Cream by All**

**YOU NEED: **(1) pack of 12 waffles, (1) carton of strawberry/chocolate/vanilla ice cream, (1) toaster

**STEP 1: **Toast waffles until golden and crispy

**STEP 2: **Lay (1) waffle flat on a plate

**STEP 3: **Scoop ice cream of desired flavor(s) on to waffle

**STEP 4: **Place another waffle on top of the ice cream

**STEP 5: **Eat immediately {as if it were a sandwich}

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**Duo:** And always remember kids…!

**All: **Beer before liquor, never been sicker! Liquor before beer, you're in the clear!


End file.
